Play of Plays
by Frog-kun
Summary: A series of disconnected, humorous plays written by Kaede. Sixth play up! "Dialogue": The closest thing to a BanKag fic I will ever write.
1. Introduction

**Note on dialect: **For some reason, Kaede is the only person in the Feudal era that speaks archaic English in the dub. What the-? This reminds me of Frog in Chrono Trigger… Anyway, Kaede does not even speak Middle English correctly. For this story, I have used a different style of English than was seen on the show.

* * *

On the seventeenth day of the fifth month in the year 1498, Kaede began to write her _Play of Plays_. On the twenty-first day of the sixth month in the same year, the manuscript was completed and Kaede began editing the text for performance adaptation. Her work was influenced by the twentieth century western situation comedies (otherwise known as "sitcoms") described by Kagome Higurashi; also by the works of William Shakespeare, who became recognised as a phenomenal playwright roughly a century later and in a city named London 9564 kilometres from Kaede's village.

Kaede was born in 1437, of a good family, and in the region of Musashino. Forever onwards, her name shall live in print.

* * *

Shippo met Kaede in her hut, and saw the old priestess squinting at a scroll that still had fresh ink on it. "What's that, Kaede?" he asked.

"'Tis the tale of dreams and fantasies to behold; in heaven the light of the Play of Plays; captured by the fresh trail of ink that flows, never ending, from the human soul and whispers, most definitely, of the-"

"Whoa! Way too poetic there, Kaede!" Shippo exclaimed. He hopped over to Kaede and leaned over her shoulder, scrutinising the scroll. "Hey!" he giggled. "Inuyasha and Kikyo are in this!"

The title fixed upon the head of the scroll, read: _The Most Excellent and Lamentable Tragedy of Inuyasha and Kikyo_.

"Pfeh!" Shippo wrinkled his nose. "Who wants to read about them?" He glanced down the page and read a line. "Oh my goodness…"

The line read:

INUYASHA: Take thy face hence, you black heathen, you devil's spawn! Thou'rt not fit to live and breathe upon this earth!

"Shakespeare has changed you, Kaede…" Shippo stated, shaking his head. "Whoever heard Inuyasha speaking in olde English?!"

"Perhaps," said Kaede, "You would like to read some of my earlier work, Shippo?" She was dropping the archaic English speech momentarily, for the young fox-demon's benefit. She took another scroll from the depths of her haori and handed it to Shippo. "Read this: 'tis in normal Japanese."

Shippo unfolded the scroll and scanned it. He smiled. "Good," he said. "This looks readable." Then he started to digest the words therein.


	2. Inuyasha and Kikyo

**Note on the format: **I know script-format stories are banned, but please bear with me. I think when this style was prohibited, it was more to do with MSN chat-format and not plays, which is an established form of fiction-writing. So please do not report this story as abuse for that reason. I know the rules and am just bending them.

**Warnings: **This is a parody, so expect OOC (Out of character)-ness and plot holes. Also, there are some slight crossover themes.

* * *

**The staging: **The staging of this play uses an Elizabethan style, Globe theatre type area. Here is the low-down of terms that need to be known to understand the staging of this play:

The LEFT and RIGHT DOORS are to the actors' left and right.

The CENTRE DOORS appear just beyond the curtains.

The BALCONY is an area above the stage that is separate from the main action below. People on the stage cannot be heard by people on the main stage but can still interact with them.

The RECESS is a trap-door style hole in the very centre of the stage. This is used for burial scenes or for characters appearing out of the ground.

Two PILLARS are shown in the bottom corners of the stage. Actors can hide behind the stage to hide from the other characters or to speak soliloquies (otherwise known as monologues).

**The cast of characters**

KIKYO, the protagonist of the play

INUYASHA, Kikyo's first love and Kagome's lover

KAEDE, Kikyo's sister

URASUE, a witch well-versed in black-magic

SHIPPO, a young fox-demon travelling with Inuyasha

NARAKU, a demon who was born from Onigumo and a multitude of minor demons

KAGOME, Kikyo's reincarnation

Yoko KURAMA, Fox-demon from _Yu Yu Hakusho_

Rumiko TAKAHASHI, manga artist who created _Ranma ½_ and _InuYasha_

NARUTO Uzumaki, a young shinobi from _Naruto_

SANGO, a demon slayer who cares for Miroku

Three KIKYO CLONES

KANNA, Naraku's minion who controls a soul-stealing mirror

KAGURA, Naraku's minion who controls a wind-summoning fan

**The Excellent and Lamentable tragedy of Inuyasha and Kikyo**

SCENE 1

Enter Inuyasha and Kikyo by the centre doors.

INUYASHA: I'll do it. I'll become human. For you, Kikyo.

KIKYO: Inuyasha…

All exit through the centre doors.

SCENE 2

Enter Inuyasha from the right doors bearing the Shikon Jewel.

INUYASHA: Finally a way to become full-demon at last!

Enter Kikyo through the left doors.

KIKYO: Die, Inuyasha!

Kikyo shoots an arrow at Inuyasha.

INUYASHA: Kikyo! I thought… we…

Inuyasha falls over. Kikyo walks a couple of steps, then collapses. Enter Kaede on the balcony.

KAEDE: This is the tragic tale of my sister Kikyo. Even after her death, she suffers in this world, where she is forced to wander the cold, hard earth until her purpose is fulfilled.

Enter Urasue by the centre doors.

URASUE: Get up, Kikyo! I'll resurrect you, then you can do my bidding.

Kikyo twitches and appears to come alive.

INUYASHA: Kikyo…

KIKYO: Inuyasha… my soul cannot rest until I see you dead!

Kikyo pushes Inuyasha away from her and exits through the left doors.

INUYASHA: Kikyo… why must it be this way? I never wanted it to be like this! Kikyo!

He chases her through the left doors. Enter Shippo through the right doors.

SHIPPO: Look! That two-timing Inuyasha keeps going after that stupid Kikyo! That means Kagome will never end up with Inuyasha. You guys! You have to throw tomatoes at Kikyo whenever you see her and call her a clay pot! Understood?

KAEDE: And so, Kikyo's troubles were not over yet.

All exit through the doors entered by.

SCENE 3

Enter Naraku through the recess.

NARAKU: Once I obtain all the Shikon Jewel shards, I shall rule the world! Ku ku ku… I am such a good villain…

Enter Kikyo through the centre doors.

NARAKU: Kikyo… Part of me still lusts for her… If I am capable of feelings of love, then I am not the perfect villain yet. Damn Kikyo!

KIKYO: I will never bow down to you, Naraku, or should I say, Onigumo?

NARAKU: Damn! Well, Kikyo, perhaps you'll change your mind in due time. No one loves you but Onigumo; you'll see that soon.

KIKYO: …

NARAKU: Are you thinking of Inuyasha? Ha, you're a fool. There is only one woman he wants.

KIKYO: Say what you will, Naraku! I know that I do not belong in this world so nothing you tell me shall hurt me!

NARAKU: Ku ku ku. We'll see about that.

Exit Naraku through the recess.

KIKYO: I shall defeat Naraku and avenge my own death. Hmm… I hear people coming.

Kikyo hides behind the pillar. Enter Inuyasha and Kagome through the right doors.

INUYASHA: Kagome, where are you going?

KAGOME: Home, of course! It's obvious you want Kikyo more than me!

INUYASHA: Kagome…

KAGOME: What?

INUYASHA: I want you to stay by my side.

KAGOME: Inuyasha…

They start kissing.

KIKYO: … Maybe what Naraku said was true.

Exit Kikyo through the left doors.

INUYASHA: Did you hear something?

KAGOME: It was nothing. Let's go.

Exit Inuyasha and Kagome by the right doors.

SCENE 4

Enter Kikyo through the right doors.

KIKYO: Kaede must still love me… Oh, who's this?

Enter Yoko Kurama by the centre doors.

KURAMA: Who are you?

KIKYO: I was going to ask you that.

KURAMA: My name is Yoko Kurama. You look like my love, Kagome.

KIKYO: Your love?

KURAMA: Yes. Kagome and I are meant for each other!

KIKYO: But don't you belong to the _Yu Yu Hakusho _universe?

KURAMA: Well, if love can transcend time, it can transcend anime. It's as simple as that.

KIKYO: Are you telling me Kagome's attractiveness is so potent, she can lure guys that aren't even in the same universe as she is in?

KURAMA: Pretty much.

KIKYO: But if she is my reincarnation, doesn't that mean I am as pretty or as ugly as she is?

KURAMA: No! Kagome is a thousand times more beautiful than you are because you are a stinking clay bitch who never dies.

KIKYO: Who wrote this script?

KURAMA: Your sister Kaede did.

KIKYO: Oh dear.

All exit through the doors of entry.

SCENE 5

Enter Kikyo through the left doors.

KIKYO: So I pray. Almighty Takahashi, please make me a more popular character in the series.

Enter Rumiko Takahashi on the balcony.

TAKAHASHI: Hear me, Kikyo. You are the third most popular character according to the polls taken in Japan.

KIKYO: Who are the first two?

TAKAHASHI: Inuyasha… and Kagome.

KIKYO: I should have guessed. Anyway, how can I get more popular among the Western viewers?

TAKAHASHI: Well, if I stop making Inuyasha and Naraku chase after you, as well as let you save a couple of lives, I'm sure your popularity shall increase in no time!

KIKYO: Yes, please do that. Thank you so much!

TAKAHASHI: You're welcome.

Exit Takahashi.

KIKYO: Hopefully, things will get better for me. I do hate it when I get bashed. I feel so unloved, as if nothing in life matters any more. Being unpopular… it's a terrible feeling. No one should ever experience it.

Enter Naruto Uzumaki through the right doors.

NARUTO: You're so right, Kikyo, believe it! People used to hate me for being the Nine-tailed fox's carrier, and I had no idea why.

KIKYO: It looks like we have something in common.

NARUTO: Yup! Believe it!

KIKYO: But you have plenty of friends now.

NARUTO: Oh, yeah, I do! Once I kicked some butt with my Shadow Clone Jutsu, everyone loved me!

KIKYO: Please teach me that move.

NARUTO: Sure! Come this way.

Exit Naruto and Kikyo through the right doors.

SCENE 6

Enter Sango through the centre doors.

SANGO: Where's Kikyo?

Enter Kikyo through the left doors.

SANGO: Ah, there she is! Kikyo!

KIKYO: Yes?

SANGO: Thank you for saving Miroku's life in the manga. I'm grateful.

KIKYO: Is that so? Well, it seems now is the time to unleash that special technique Naruto taught me. Shadow Clone Jutsu!

Enter three Kikyo clones by the recess.

SANGO: Whoa! Three more Kikyos!

KIKYO: Do you like the Jutsu?

Enter Shippo and Naraku through the right doors.

SHIPPO: Three more Kikyos! How can you manage three more Kikyos?

NARAKU: Let's bash them all!

Enter Kagura and Kanna through the centre doors.

KANNA: Shall we assist you, Naraku?

KAGURA: I've been wanting to try out my fan on that creepy bitch for a while.

NARAKU: Sure.

KIKYO: Sango? Will you help me out?

SANGO: Uh… I need to attend to Miroku. Bye!

Exit Sango through the left doors.

KIKYO: I thought I was popular. It seems I was wrong. Nobody does love me…

SHIPPO: Enough of the self-pity! Get her!

Kagura and Kanna brutally attack Kikyo and her clones.

KIKYO: There is no light for a loner who does not belong.

Enter Kaede on the balcony.

KAEDE: And that is Kikyo's afterlife. Do you see now what bashing can do, even to a fictitious character? Kikyo, my sister, suffers on.

Enter Inuyasha through the left doors.

INUYASHA: Kikyo! Get up! There are still people who love you! I love you! Please, Kikyo… Don't give up!

KIKYO: Just you holding me in your arms like this gives me hope, Inuyasha.

INUYASHA: Kikyo, I could not protect you. I promised I would, but I couldn't. How many times have I let you die, Kikyo?!

KIKYO: It does not matter, because now I have a fan. Thank… you… I…nu…ya…sha…

Dies.

INUYASHA: Kikyo? Kikyo!

KANNA: …

KAGURA: Why don't we ever bash Naraku like this? That poor Kikyo never deserved what happened to her.

SHIPPO: Yeah, let's bash Naraku now.

NARAKU: Help me, Kanna!

KANNA: I wish for you to be run over by a passing truck, master Naraku.

NARAKU: Ah, crap. What about my tragic life?

THE END


	3. To every aspiring mother

**Dialogue: **Before we begin, it is important to note that on some scripts, the word (aside) can be seen in a person's lines. This word is not spoken! Instead, it indicates that any words after that is spoken directly to the audience and no one can hear these aside thoughts. The character is basically talking to himself/herself. When you see (to all), it means that the character can be heard by every character again.

**Cast of characters:**

MYOGA, the narrating flea-demon

MAMA Higurashi, Kagome and Sota's mother

SOTA, Kagome's little brother

GRANDPA, a dogmatic believer in Shinto mythology

KAGOME, the heroine of the story

INUYASHA, half-demon from the Feudal Era

HIROSHI, A taxi-driver from Tokyo

SHIPPO, a young fox-demon who knows basic illusionary skills

**To every aspiring mother**

SCENE I

Enter Myoga on the balcony. Enter Mama Higurashi, Sota and Grandpa through the left doors.

MYOGA: It began on the day Kagome formally introduced her new best friend to her family.

Enter Kagome and Inuyasha through the right doors.

KAGOME: Hey, Mum! Hey, Sota! Hey, Grandpa! This is Inuyasha. We're supposed to be hunting jewel shards together.

MYOGA: Now, the family had already seen Inuyasha once. He walked in during dinner and accosted Kagome, taking her to the shrine close to the house. For all Mama and the others knew, Inuyasha could have performed… strange things on Kagome.

INUYASHA: Idiot! Do you think I'm some random pervert?

MYOGA: Master Inuyasha, it is not orthodox for you to be interrupting the narrator.

INUYASHA: Feh! Whatever!

MYOGA: Anyway… How will Kagome's family react upon seeing Inuyasha again?

GRANDPA: It's a demon!

SOTA: Can I have your autograph?

MAMA: Hi, would you like to have dinner with us?

INUYASHA: … What… the… hell?!

KAGOME: Uh, yeah, that's my family.

SOTA: Hi, I'm Sota!

KAGOME: That's my brother.

INUYASHA: That's nice.

GRANDPA: How good of you to catch a demon, Kagome! And he's not that bad-looking either.

MAMA: Nice, long flowing hair… beautiful eyes… not to mention those cute dog ears… He's perfect!

INUYASHA: Yes, I am. I am perfect.

KAGOME: (aside) They shouldn't have said that. Inuyasha's got such an inflated ego; he's anything but perfect! But… they're right, in a way… Inuyasha is pretty handsome, I mean… WHY AM I THINKING THIS?! ARGH!

MAMA: Yes, you are perfect. Perfect to be my son-in-law, that is.

INUYASHA: WHAT?!

KAGOME: WHAT?!

SOTA: Ha! Ha! Sis has got a boyfriend!

KAGOME: What are you talking about? Mum!

MAMA: Inuyasha, you should get together with Kagome. I can imagine you two having the cutest children!

INUYASHA: Kagome, is your mother insane?

KAGOME: Don't talk about my mum that way, you dork!

INUYASHA: I'll say whatever I want!

GRANDPA: Ha ha ha! They're already arguing like a married couple.

MYOGA: And that was what Kagome's family thought of Inuyasha.

All exit through the doors of entry.

SCENE 2

Enter Mama through the centre doors.

MAMA: Heh heh heh heh heh.

Enter Sota through the left doors.

SOTA: Mum! What are you planning?

MAMA: Don't you want to be an uncle, Sota?

SOTA: Not particularly, why?

MAMA: That's a real pity. You see, my child, in my youth I used to be a matchmaker using traditional methods of astrology and blood tests to check if a young couple was compatible.

SOTA: Yeah, so?

MAMA: I don't know why I ever gave up the thrill of seeing two people in love. But my experience tells me I can see the signs developing in Inuyasha and Kagome. Therefore, it is my _sacred _duty to make sure they end up together. Besides, I really want kids with silver hair.

SOTA: Mum, I think you are obsessed.

MAMA: Don't mind me! Anyway, Sota, do you know the phone number of what's-his-name? The taxi-driver from the Centre Link?

SOTA: Uh… you mean Hiroshi?

MAMA: I can't find his number in my notebook.

SOTA: As if I know his number! What do you need with him?

MAMA: I need for him to do me a favour. He owes me one for organising his wedding.

SOTA: But he's single!

MAMA: Yeah, he's divorced.

SOTA: And you paired him up with a girl?

MAMA: What do you think?

SOTA: … (aside) I really pity Inuyasha and Kagome now. (to all) Okay, mum, I'll find his number in the phone book. Here it is!

MAMA: Ah, thank you, Sota. You're a darl'.

All exit through the doors of entry.

SCENE 5

Enter Kagome through the right doors.

KAGOME: Mum! I'm home!

Enter Mama through the centre doors.

MAMA: Ah, there you are, Kagome! I want you to get a few things in town for me, please? I have a list.

KAGOME: Okay, sure. I was going to go back to the Feudal Era, but I guess I can keep Inuyasha waiting.

MAMA: Oh, so he'll probably be coming to get you?

KAGOME: Yeah, but I don't care. If he comes, don't let him leave the house. I'll do that shopping you wanted. See ya, mum!

Exit Kagome through the left doors.

MAMA: Heh heh. Now's the perfect opportunity!

Enter Inuyasha through the left doors.

INUYASHA: Damn it! Where's Kagome?

MAMA: Inuyasha! You're just in time! Kagome's in peril!

INUYASHA: What did you say?!

MAMA: Oh, I wouldn't be able to get there in time…

INUYASHA: Tell me, you stupid woman! Where's Kagome?!

MAMA: Oh, she's just down the road and, oh, there's a terrible demon lying in wait for her. I only just found out now.

INUYASHA: Okay! I'll go get her!

Exit Inuyasha through the left doors.

MAMA: Ha ha, I'm so evil.

Enter Grandpa through the centre doors.

GRANDPA: Have you been possessed by a demon? If there's any nearby, I'll exorcise them with my powerful spells!

MAMA: No, no, there are no demons around.

GRANDPA: Oh, okay. I really wanted to exorcise a demon.

MAMA: That's nice.

Enter Myoga on the balcony.

MYOGA: Mama was planning something to get Inuyasha and Kagome together but unfortunately, her plan was very risky. I don't think any good will come of this.

All exit through the doors of entry.

SCENE 4

Enter Hiroshi in his taxi through the centre doors.

HIROSHI: Mrs Higurashi told me to wait here, until her daughter came. What strange orders I get from her; I knew that lady was eccentric.

Enter Kagome through the right doors.

HIROSHI: Oh, there she is! Time to run her over.

Hiroshi starts his taxi.

KAGOME: Let's see, I have to get the newspaper and some manga books as well as… Argh! What's that!?

The taxi starts to speed directly towards Kagome.

KAGOME: I'm going to die!

Enter Myoga on the balcony.

MYOGA: It looks like things are bad for Kagome. And now, to keep you guys in suspense, an advert by Kitsune Bi!

Enter Shippo through the recess. He sings a jingle.

SHIPPO: It's big; it's bad; it's Kitsune Bi! It keeps your armpits smelling refreshed! Next time you need some deodorant - watch out for Kitsune Bi!

MYOGA: Kitsune Bi! The deodorant that tricks everyone!

Exit Shippo through the recess.

MYOGA: And back to _InuYasha: To every aspiring mother_!

KAGOME: (aside) Getting run over by a taxi… This is how my dad died! (to all) Inuyasha! Anyone! Somebody, help me!

HIROSHI: If this was a normal car accident, the girl should be dead by now.

Enter Inuyasha through the right doors.

INUYASHA: Kagome!

He draws his sword.

KAGOME: Inuyasha! (aside) He's come to rescue me!

INUYASHA: Tetsusaiga!

He destroys the taxi.

HIROSHI: Ouch! Somebody totally busted up my taxi!

INUYASHA: What were you doing, you bastard? You told that iron monster demon-thing to attack Kagome, didn't you?

HIROSHI: That was a taxi, not an iron monster demon-thing.

INUYASHA: Whatever!

He pushes his blade up against Hiroshi's neck.

INUYASHA: You've only got one chance to explain yourself!

KAGOME: Sit, boy!

Inuyasha falls.

KAGOME: I'm so sorry, Hiroshi. That's just Inuyasha being an idiot.

INUYASHA: You know this bastard?

KAGOME: Yeah, he's a friend of the family, so don't you go trying to cut him down!

INUYASHA: But he was trying to kill you!

KAGOME: Oh, yeah. Hiroshi, why did you do that?

HIROSHI: Your mother told me to.

KAGOME: What?!

INUYASHA: Are you telling me Kagome's mother wants her dead?

HIROSHI: She didn't give any reasons.

Enter Mama through the right doors.

MAMA: Yes, my brilliant plan succeeded!

INUYASHA: But Kagome didn't die!

MAMA: I didn't want her to die.

HIROSHI: Then why did you ask me to run her over?

MAMA: Well, I knew Inuyasha would come to her aid at once and be a hero. Lovers are like that.

Inuyasha's eyebrows visibly twitch.

INUYASHA: That's not true! Who else is going to detect shards for me? Kaede told us we had to work together and we can't do that if Kagome's dead!

KAGOME: Inuyasha…!

INUYASHA: Uh oh.

KAGOME: Sit!

Inuyasha falls over.

KAGOME: That's better.

HIROSHI: So what's that, a magical necklace? And are those dog-ears?

MAMA: I'm afraid, Hiroshi-san, you may have to be going to jail.

HIROSHI: What for?

MAMA: Attempted murder does have a penalty.

HIROSHI: But you asked me to!

MAMA: But you actually agreed. That's an ulterior motive there. Come with me, Hiroshi.

HIROSHI: Damn it to hell!

Exit Mama and Hiroshi through the left doors.

KAGOME: …

INUYASHA: …

KAGOME: … so…

INUYASHA: What?

KAGOME: Thanks for saving my life back there.

INUYASHA: Yeah, well I always have to save your life. You're just a whining damsel in distress.

KAGOME: I'll pretend you didn't say that.

INUYASHA: Yeah, do that.

KAGOME: You see; my father was run over by a drunken taxi-driver. That was how he died.

INUYASHA: …

KAGOME: And... well… back there I thought the same thing was going to happen to me, until you rescued me.

INUYASHA: Kagome…

KAGOME: I was so scared. For a split second, I really thought I was going to die…

INUYASHA: Ergh! Yeah, whatever! You're not supposed to die! You're supposed to be with me!

KAGOME: …Inuyasha?

INUYASHA: Uh, I meant, you're supposed to be _collecting jewel shards _with me. See?

KAGOME: Okay, then, Inuyasha. Let's go. I'll hunt for jewel shards with you.

INUYASHA: Great! And once we've collected them all, I'll become a full-fledged demon! How about that?

KAGOME: That's really cute, Inuyasha.

INUYASHA: (aside) Huh? Why's she acting like that? Stupid girl! But she is kinda cute… (to all) Yeah, whatever, let's get going.

Exit Inuyasha through the right doors.

KAGOME: Inuyasha… you're not such a bad guy, really.

Exit Kagome through the right doors. Enter Mama on the balcony.

MAMA: Mission accomplished! Those grandkids aren't far away now!

Exit Mama from the balcony.

THE END


	4. Shinigami

**Author's Note: **The dialogue in scene 4 closely follows that encounter in Episode 115. That episode should give you a good idea of what the themes of this story are.

* * *

**Shinigami: **The theme of the Shinigami is used quite often in anime, most notably in _Bleach, Death Note _and _Full Moon wo Sagashite_. It refers most commonly to the death deity introduced by the Europeans during the Meiji period; therefore, Miroku and Kikyo, the religious buffs, don't know about them. A Shinigami's role differs in each anime, so you are probably wondering what a Shinigami will do here. In this story, a Shinigami makes death easier for people that are dying and also tracks down stray spirits or wandering souls.

**Cast of characters:**

MIROKU, a Buddhist monk travelling with Kagome and Inuyasha

KAGOME, a teenage girl from the modern era

HITEN, the older of the two Thunder Brothers

BANKOTSU, deceased leader of the Band of Seven

INUYASHA, half-demon who Kagome travels with

KIKYO, a dead, yet resurrected priestess

SANGO, a demon-slayer who travels with Inuyasha

KIRARA, a nekomata demon who is Sango's pet

SHIPPO, a fox-demon whose father was killed by Hiten

**Shinigami**

SCENE I

Enter Miroku through the centre doors and kneel before the audience.

MIROKU: Humans and demons… when they should die, they die equal descend together unto the world of the dead.

Enter Kagome through the centre doors.

KAGOME: Oh, Miroku, what are you doing?

MIROKU: I'm burying that demon we just slew.

KAGOME: Miroku, that's so nice of you. You know, in my era, people believe that if you are good, you go to heaven, but if you are bad, you go to hell.

MIROKU: Is that so?

KAGOME: Yes, and should you live an unfulfilled life, you return without earthly memories as Shinigami!

MIROKU: What are they?

KAGOME: Soul reapers! They make the passage to death easier for all of us!

MIROKU: (aside) Yeah, as if. (to all) Perhaps we shall meet a Shinigami one day.

KAGOME: Yeah.

All exit through the doors of entry.

SCENE 2

Enter Hiten through the right doors.

HITEN: Hurry up, Bankotsu!

Enter Bankotsu through the right doors.

BANKOTSU: So, Hiten… which soul are we supposed to take?

HITEN: This chick named Kikyo, I think. There's a picture of her here and her record says she's been stealing souls to remain on earth.

BANKOTSU: That's terrible! Those souls could be going to heaven!

HITEN: I know. It says here we have to do anything to drag her to hell.

BANKOTSU: Right.

HITEN: Listen, Bankotsu. I'm the more experienced Shinigami here, so you have to follow my lead. This is your first time back on earth, correct?

BANKOTSU: Yes, it is. But I'm sure me and Banryu will be okay.

HITEN: Well, here's my first order to you: get a haircut.

BANKOTSU: What?

HITEN: Your hairdo is too similar to mine, and I want our victim to think that I'm the one in charge.

BANKOTSU: Not on your life!

HITEN: What do you mean?

BANKOTSU: I'm telling you: I won't take orders from you!

HITEN: Fine, we'll go our own ways. But don't go whinging to me if you get in trouble, okay?

BANKOTSU: Yeah, whatever.

Exit Hiten through the left doors.

BANKOTSU: That idiot! Who does he think he is? I'm stronger than Hiten; just because he was once a demon doesn't mean he can boss me around. Ha! I'll show him; I'll get Kikyo and I'll send her to hell before him. I got a glimpse of her picture before Hiten left; I can work with that.

Exit Bankotsu through the centre doors.

SCENE 3

Enter Kagome through the centre doors.

KAGOME: Guys! I'm just going to gather some wood for our campfire, okay?

She starts pacing around the stage.

KAGOME: Ah, this stick looks good.

Enter Hiten through the right doors.

HITEN: Is that Kikyo? That girl resembles the woman in the picture. Heh heh.

He walks over to Kagome.

HITEN: Hey, you're pretty beautiful. Now let me drag you to hell.

KAGOME: H… Hiten?!

HITEN: Huh, did you know me in my past life?

KAGOME: Hiten, you became a Shinigami?

HITEN: Enough of this. Time to die, wench.

KAGOME: Stay back, Hiten!

She shoots and arrow at Hiten.

HITEN: Ha! I don't carry an aura as a Shinigami, so purifying arrows don't affect me.

KAGOME: Okay, time for plan B… INUYASHA! SOME RANDOM SOUL REAPER IS TRYING TO KILL ME!

Hiten: Wha-?

Enter Inuyasha through the centre doors.

INUYASHA: Kagome! Are you all right? Who's that? Oh!

KAGOME: Yeah, it's Hiten. He became a Shinigami.

INUYASHA: Wants me to kill him again, eh? Bring it on!

HITEN: … You killed me in my past life?

INUYASHA: Yeah, you were a pushover.

KAGOME: Not.

INUYASHA: Whose side are you on?!

HITEN: It's not my job to drag y_ou _to hell but I'll do it anyway.

They start fighting. Enter Miroku, Sango, Kirara and Shippo through the centre doors.

SANGO: What's that noise?

MIROKU: Inuyasha! Who are you fighting?

SHIPPO: I… It's Hiten!

SANGO: You know this guy?

SHIPPO: Yeah. He and his brother Manten killed my father. I thought Inuyasha killed this guy!

SANGO: He came back…How is that possible?

MIROKU: I get it. He's a Shinigami, right, Kagome?

KAGOME: Yeah. See, he looks like a ghost. That's the mark of a Shinigami.

SHIPPO: Wagh! That's scary!

INUYASHA: Feh! Who cares about that? You're going down! Wind Scar!

The attack does not seem to hurt Hiten.

INUYASHA: What?!

HITEN: Heh heh heh. No one with mortal blood can hurt me; I am Shinigami! I'm not of this world!

KAGOME: "Not of this world"? Does that mean… Oh no!

HITEN: It's true. None of you can hurt me.

SHIPPO: We're doomed!

All exit through doors of entry.

SCENE 4

Enter Kikyo through the left doors.

KIKYO: … I feel someone's presence.

Enter Bankotsu, with his eyes closed and Banryu over his shoulder through the right doors. Kikyo halts.

KIKYO: (aside) That man…

Bankotsu walks by Kikyo and stops. Kikyo turns to face him.

BANKOTSU: Woman… are you the one they call Kikyo?

KIKYO: And you are with the Band of Seven?

BANKOTSU: Band of Seven? What's that? What do you want with me?

KIKYO: (aside) Is it that he doesn't remember his comrades any more? (to all) Just curious… You're supposed to kill me, are you not?

Bankotsu turns to face Kikyo.

BANKOTSU: How did you know? As a Shinigami, it's my job to drag you to hell. Hm?

Kikyo points an arrow at Bankotsu.

BANKOTSU: I saw your picture, but I never would have guessed you were so beautiful. You want to take me on, do you? All right, then. Let's do it! I accept your challenge.

He points Banryu at Kikyo.

KIKYO: (asie) He looks pale, ghostly. Has someone resurrected him? No, that can't be it. I can't see any jewel shards. Besides, he mentioned something about Shinigami. What are they?

BANKOTSU: Come on, take the first shot.

KIKYO: I want to know what it is you're after. Where are your comrades?

BANKOTSU: Now that's a strange question. I had a partner, but he's an ass, and I prefer to be the leader. I have always been this way. I'm a Shinigami, Soul Reaper; killing people like you and bringing them to hell is my job.

KIKYO: (aside) I don't think he has any memories of his earthly existence. So… he retains his way of the mercenary even after all of this; even after he has lost his memory. (to all) In the world we live in, it is sometimes necessary to kill in order to survive. But you died twice; why not stop your evil wrongdoings?

BANKOTSU: I died twice? I must have been busy. I'm a mercenary through and through and what I do is thoroughly enjoyable. Tell me; was I like this when you knew me?

KIKYO: You once said, "People talk about heaven and hell, but when you die, that's the end of it. I have no interest in the so-called other worlds. I do as I please with no fear of the afterlife. " But, I see you have witnessed the afterlife now.

BANKOTSU: Heaven and hell…? I think I'm starting to get my memories back. Ergh… Jakotsu, Suikotsu, Renkotsu, Kyokotsu, Mukotsu, Ginkotsu… And you. Kikyo.

KIKYO: Isn't it ironic that a man like you has become a thing of the gods?

BANKOTSU: I know one thing, Kikyo. Dead people like you will probably share the same fate. You should worry about yourself. Don't be so concerned about the choices I make. Well, it doesn't really matter. Time for you to die, Kikyo.

Kikyo shoots an arrow. Bankotsu deflects it with his Banryu.

BANKOTSU: (aside) I forgot; this woman is also dead. That means she can hurt me! I've got to stay on my toes in this fight!

KIKYO: You intend to fight this out? All right, Bankotsu! We were enemies once, and we're enemies again. I won't hold back!

BANKOTSU: I wouldn't expect you to!

They fight. Fight should last about five minutes. Still fighting, Bankotsu and Kikyo exit through the centre doors.

SCENE5

Enter Hiten, Inuyasha, Kagome, Sango, Miroku, Kirara and Shippo through the centre doors. Inuyasha and Hiten are fighting.

INUYASHA: Die!

He slashes at Hiten. He deflects the attack with his pike.

HITEN: I'm afraid I can't die for you, Inuyasha! Eat this! Lightning pike!

He shoots lightning at Inuyasha. He blocks with the sheath of Testsusaiga.

SHIPPO: Just like in the last fight! It seems Hiten is stronger now that he's dead!

KAGOME: Dead! That's it! If we get Kikyo to fight for us, she should be able to harm Hiten!

SANGO: Kikyo? Would she even do such a thing for us?

KAGOME: Come on! She always comes to our help when we need it these days! I'm sure she'd help Inuyasha out, at any rate.

SHIPPO: Yeah, seeing as she's his _girlfriend._

INUYASHA: Shut up!

HITEN: Don't let down your guard!

He hits Inuyasha on the arm with his pike.

INUYASHA: Argh!

KAGOME: Inuyasha!

SANGO: We have to get Kikyo now or else Inuyasha will lose!

Sango and Miroku get on Kirara.

INUYASHA: I won't lose! Blades of Blood!

He attacks Hiten. His arm goes right through Hiten.

INUYASHA: What?

HITEN: I told you that you couldn't scratch me! Now for the finishing blow! Lightning - Bankotsu!?

INUYASHA: Lightning Bankotsu?

Enter Bankotsu and Kikyo through the left doors, still fighting.

INUYASHA: Ah!

SANGO: It's Bankotsu!

KAGOME: And Kikyo!

HITEN: That's Kikyo? Damn, I made a mistake! Bankotsu, I'll help you out!

BANKOTSU: Huh?

KIKYO: Got you.

She sends a wave of spiritual energy at Bankotsu, knocking him off his feet.

BANKOTSU: Ergh. Damn Hiten, damn Kikyo. I'll do whatever I want!

KAGOME: Bankotsu… he's a Shinigami as well!

INUYASHA: He still seems pretty childish to me.

SHIPPO: Like you can talk, Inuyasha.

INUYASHA: What did you say, you stupid brat?!

MIROKU: Be quiet, you two, we've got to help Kikyo!

SANGO: Hiraikotsu!

She throws the Hiraikotsu at Bankotsu, knocking Banryu out of his hands.

HITEN: Damn it! Lightning Pike!

He hurls thunder at Sango.

SANGO: Ah!

INUYASHA: Look out, Sango!

He knocks Sango out of the way and blocks Hiten's attack with Tetsusaiga's sheathe.

INUYASHA: We can't interfere with this fight. After all, we're not dead.

KAGOME: Of course. Nobody's meant to fight the Shinigami; they're neither good nor bad.

MIROKU: I see. It's up to Kikyo to hold her own.

KIRARA: Mew!

KIKYO: Please! I need more time on earth before I go to hell! Just grant me a bit more time!

HITEN: No, you're coming with us!

KIKYO: I see. I have no choice.

She shoots an arrow at Bankostu and gets him directly in the heart.

BANKOTSU: Argh!

He vanishes through the recess.

SHIPPO: How-?

KAGOME: Kikyo's dead, so she exists on a different spiritual plane than us. She can send the Shinigami straight back to the world of the dead.

INUYASHA: Wow! Kagome! How do you know all this?

KAGOME: Watching too much anime, heh heh.

HITEN: Damn Bankotsu! Ergh! You dispatched him, Kikyo!

KIKYO: It's your turn now.

HITEN: No! I have to try twice as hard for Bankotsu's sake!

He fights ferociously against Kikyo.

SANGO: Wow, Hiten is a pretty strong fighter.

SHIPPO: Hiten's generally a jerk, but he's really loyal, I remember that. Remember when we killed Manten?

INUYASHA: We? I killed Manten!

KAGOME: We all worked together to kill Manten!

MIROKU: No need to argue about that now, look!

HITEN: I've got you now, Kikyo! You won't escape form me!

SANGO: He's winning the fight!

INUYASHA: Damn it! Oi, Hiten! Don't you want to avenge your brother's death? I killed Manten, remember?

HITEN: Manten…? Now I remember… YOU BASTARD! I WON'T LET YOU GET AWAY!

He attacks Inuyasha.

SHIPPO: Why's he provoking him…?

KAGOME: To get him distracted, I see.

KIKYO: That was your fatal mistake, you and Bankotsu. Letting your emotions get ahead of you instead of focusing on your duties is sure to get you in trouble!

She shoots an arrow at Hiten and hits him in the back.

HITEN: Ahhh!

He falls into the recess.

KIKYO: It's over.

INUYASHA: Kikyo? Aren't you going to stay?

KIKYO: I must learn a lesson from Hiten and Bankotsu. Unnecessary drama will hinder our goal to defeat Naraku.

Exit Kikyo through the left doors.

SHIPPO: Wow, Kikyo's pretty cool.

SANGO: I'll say.

MIROKU: She didn't want to stay with Inuyasha because she thought he would distract her from her mission.

KAGOME: She's focused; I can give her that much.

INUYASHA: … Yeah…

All exit through doors of entry.

THE END


	5. Sango's revenge

**Author's Note: **The reference to Sango's drunkenness is from Episode 135.

* * *

**Cast of characters:**

INUYASHA, a half-demon who is in love with Kagome

KAGOME, a teenage girl from the modern era

SHIPPO, a fox-demon travelling with Inuyasha and Kagome

KIRARA, Sango's pet nekomata demon

SANGO, a demon-slayer who has feelings for Miroku

MIROKU, a lecherous monk travelling with Sango and the others

YUKI, a young girl living the nomadic life

**Sango's revenge**

SCENE I

Enter Kagome, Inuyasha, Miroku, Sango, Shippo and Kirara through the right doors.

INUYASHA: Why are you making me carry that stupid bag of yours, Kagome?

KAGOME: Well, it's May, the rainy month, so I packed some extra clothes, some sleeping bags and two tents.

SHIPPO: Wow, no wonder it's heavy!

KIRARA: Mew!

SANGO: Oh, Kirara, it's raining! Come under the umbrella with me.

MIROKU: It's nice you brought umbrellas for each of us, Kagome. They're handy. Hm?

Enter Yuki through the left doors.

MIROKU: Why, hello there, young lady. I'll walk back with you under this umbrella.

YUKI: But… aren't you headed the opposite direction?

MIROKU: Never mind about that! Young lady, would you consider bearing my child?

SANGO: Grr…

SHIPPO: Here we go again.

INUYASHA: Why does Sango keep getting pissed at Miroku? It's starting to get old.

KAGOME: Oh, Inuyasha…

MIROKU: Why, Sango, what are-

Sango slaps Miroku.

SANGO: There was something on your face.

YUKI: Hee hee… cute… Well, I'm off!

Exit Yuki through the right doors.

MIROKU: Not again!

SANGO: Serves you right for flirting with women!

MIROKU: But that one was really beautiful that time!

SANGO: Miroku… (aside) I can't believe that monk!

KAGOME: Ha! Ha! Ha! Let's get going, guys!

INUYASHA: Yeah, come on.

Exit Inuyasha, Shippo, Miroku and Kirara through the left doors.

SANGO: Kagome? Can I speak to you in private?

KAGOME: Sure, what is it, Sango?

SANGO: Listen: I'm just sick of Miroku's flirting. I want to teach him a lesson.

KAGOME: Go on.

SANGO: So I was thinking…

She whispers something in Kagome's ears.

KAGOME: Hee hee! Do it!

SANGO: You're actually approving of my plan? I thought it would upset you.

KAGOME: Definitely not! I would pay a lot to see his face if you go through with your plan!

SANGO: Okay… heh heh heh.

Exit Sango and Kagome through the left doors.

SCENE 2

Enter Kagome, Inuyasha, Kirara, Shippo, Sango and Miroku through the right doors.

SHIPPO: It's getting dark and I'm getting tired. Can we set up camp?

INUYASHA: Hell no! We got things to do.

SANGO: Please, Inuyasha, can we stop? Look, it's raining again and there's no shelter for miles.

KAGOME: It's a good thing we've got tents this time!

INUYASHA: (aside) Well, I do fell a little soggy and tired… (to all) All right! Fine! Let's set up camp!

They start pitching tents.

MIROKU: These "tents" look very handy. But my oh my, there's only two! It looks like I'll have to share a tent with Sango.

INUYASHA: Eh? But that means I'll be sleeping with Kagome!

KAGOME: Stop making it sound like that's a bad thing!

SANGO: Inuyasha, can I share a tent with you?

SHIPPO: What the?!

INUYASHA: …Sango?!

KAGOME: Tee hee!

MIROKU: …

SANGO: Come on, Inuyasha!

INUYASHA: S-Sango! Oh dear god! Help! I'm being raped!

KAGOME: Don't be shy, Inuyasha! Even you aren't stupid enough to sleep in the rain.

Inuyasha and Sango enter a tent.

SHIPPO: What's going on, Kagome? Why's Sango flirting with Inuyasha?

MIROKU: Is it… my fault?

KAGOME: I'll explain in our tent.

Kagome, Shippo and Miroku enter the empty tent.

KIRARA: Mew?

Kirara enters Sango and Inuyasha's tent.

The tents are removed for the start of the next scene.

SCENE 3

Kagome, Shippo and Miroku are inside a tent.

MIROKU: Kagome? Care to explain?

KAGOME: Well, sure. Sango's flirting with Inuyasha because she wants to give Miroku a taste of his own medicine.

MIROKU: What? I don't deserve it!

SHIPPO: Yes, you do! You deserve it, Miroku!

MIROKU: I would have tolerated Sango's behaviour on any man but Inuyasha!

KAGOME: Is it because of me? Honestly, I don't mind! I know Inuyasha doesn't have any feelings for Sango.

MIROKU: That may be true, but Sango has feelings for Inuyasha!

SHIPPO: Since when?!

MIROKU: Do you remember Sango's drunken confession when we went on that mountain for Mushin searching for the sake sages?

SHIPPO: We were drunk at the time, so no.

MIROKU: Well, Sango declared that she preferred Inuyasha to anyone else in our group.

KAGOME: So what? She was drunk.

MIROKU: Don't you get it! It's because she was drunk that I worried. You see, when you are intoxicated, you lose all urgings to deceive others.

SHIPPO: Sake, a truth potion?

KAGOME: But that's just a one-off occasion! You know Sango has feelings for you, Miroku!

INUYASHA's voice: S-Sango? You're scaring me!

MIROKU: Don't tell me that's a one-off occasion.

KAGOME: Oh… (aside) I wasn't prepared for this…

SHIPPO: Let's go!

All exit trough the centre doors.

SCENE 4

Enter Sango, Kirara and Inuyasha through the centre doors.

SANGO: Look, Inuyasha, this has nothing to do with you. So just sleep in that corner and I'll stay in this corner. It's a pity this tent is so small.

INUYASHA: I'm going to stay awake all night and watch you.

SANGO: What for?

INUYAHSA: I don't trust you.

SANGO: What do you mean you don't trust me? We've saved each other's lives! We're friends; we're almost family! What is wrong with you?

INUYASHA: What is wrong with you? You've been acting strangely all day.

SANGO: Ergh…

INUYASHA: Tell me what's wrong.

SANGO: All right then! It's that bloody Miroku! I can't stand his bloody lechery a single bloody moment more! I'm also worried about Kohaku. I can't ever save him and I almost wish he had died! Saves him and me a lot of misery!

KIRARA: Mew.

INUYASHA: S-Sango? You're scaring me!

SANGO: I'm sorry, Inuyasha. I told you it had nothing to do with you.

INUYASHA: Sango…

Enter Miroku, Kagome and Shippo through the centre doors.

MIROKU: Sango! Inuyasha! Thank goodness you still have your clothes on!

INUYASHA: Miroku, you pervert! What made you think that?

MIROKU: Heh heh heh.

KAGOME: Sango, you look really upset. Is something wrong?

Exit Sango through the centre doors.

SHIPPO: Did you see her face?

KAGOME: Yeah…

MIROKU: Inuyasha, did you do something?

INUYASHA: Why are you always blaming me?

SHIPPO: Because it's probably your fault.

INUYASHA: Well, this time it ain't! Sango's got a lot on her mind right now so don't disturb her for nothing! I'm going to bed.

KAGOME: Oh, Sango…

MIROKU: … Hmm…

All exit through doors of entry.

SCENE 5

Enter Sango through the left doors.

SANGO: It's just too much for me… Miroku, Kohaku, Naraku… It's all jumbled up in my mind! I think I am suffering from a nervous breakdown or something! I didn't know I was teetering on the edge of an outburst for a while. Oh…

She starts crying. Enter Miroku through the left doors.

MIROKU: You know, some days it was all too much for me as well.

SANGO: Miroku?

MIROKU: On some days, I got so sick and frightened of my Wind Tunnel and of dying that I would run away into the woods to cry somewhere, but as I got older, I stopped doing that. I just kept it all inside.

SANGO: Miroku…

MIROKU: Learn from my mistakes, Sango. It's okay to cry once in a while. After all, you have burdens that no woman should bear.

SANGO: I just lost it today, Miroku. Inuyasha told me I hadn't been acting myself lately. I guess it was because I had been keeping all my worries to myself instead of letting it out. How do you stay sane, Miroku?!

MIROKU: I've been living with anxieties all my life, Sango. I've grown used to it. Look, if it makes you feel any better, share a tent with me tonight.

SANGO: (aside) I'd like that. (to all) Miroku, I… ah!

Miroku is groping Sango's backside.

SANGO: You can share a tent with Inuyasha tonight! I'm sleeping with Kagome!

Exit Sango through the left doors.

MIROKU: Damn! I forgot to ask Sango whether she had feelings for Inuyasha! Why was I born with such a cursed hand?!

THE END


	6. The halfdemon refuge I

**Cast of characters:**

KAGOME, a teenage girl with spiritual powers

INUYASHA, a half-human, half-dog demon who travels with Kagome

MIROKU, a lecherous monk

ASAKI, a mysterious half-demon who has started a village for others like him

SHIPPO, the Inuyasha gang's little foxy friend

KAEDE, an elderly priestess knowledgeable in everything in general

MYAKO, a nervous young half-human, half-dog demon

POYOZO, a full-fledged dog demon who answers to Asaki

**The half-demon refuge Part One**

SCENE I

Enter Kagome through the centre doors on her bicycle.

KAGOME: Today's a nice day to be riding. I wish every day was like this. Hm?

She stops.

KAGOME: That's a tree. Ha ha, I remember Inuyasha is always sitting propped up against a branch. Must be uncomfortable. But… I wanna try it – just this once.

She gets off her bicycle.

KAGOME: You won't defeat me, tree! Huh? Why is this so hard? When Inuyasha does it, he doesn't even have to climb; he just jumps onto a branch. Why me…? Oh, I get it. I'm still holding my bag. Ha ha, it weighs a ton. Why don't I just drop it it? Yes, I'll do that.

She drops the bag.

INUYASHA: OUCH!

KAGOME: Inuyasha! I'm so sorry! I didn't know you were sleeping by a tree. Why are you sleeping when it's daytime, anyway?

INUYASHA: There's nothing to do, not when Sango's gone to her village again and Miroku's wandered off.

KAGOME: I bet you were tired, weren't you, Inuyasha?

INUYASHA: You shut up, Kagome! And get off that damn tree!

KAGOME: Won't! I've got the best branch!

Inuyasha climbs onto the branch beside her.

INUYASHA: I want it, Kagome!

KAGOME: What a little kid…

INUYASHA: Hey! I…

The branch snaps.

INUYASHA: Kagome!

He cushions her fall.

Enter Miroku through the left door.

MIROKU: My, my. Inuyasha, I knew you were going to try the next step on Kagome, but I didn't think you'd attempt it so soon!

KAGOME: Huh? What do you mean?

MIROKU: Well, you are on top of each other.

INUYASHA: Ugh! Get off!

KAGOME: Gladly.

Enter Asaki through the right doors.

ASAKI: Excuse me, am I interrupting something?

MIROKU: Only a love scene.

INUYASHA: Will you lay it off, Miroku?

KAGOME: Uh, so what's your name, sir?

ASAKI: My name is Asaki and I am half-human, half-ogre.

INUYASHA: Yeah, you are a half-demon. Why are you declaring that so openly?

ASAKI: Unlike others, I am proud of my heritage.

INUYASHA: Whatever.

ASAKI: You are half-demon too. I smell it in your scent.

INUYASHA: Yeah, what of it?

KAGOME: (aside) Oh dear… Inuyasha gets even more hostile than usual when someone identifies him as a half-demon.

ASAKI: I wander the countryside looking for stray half-demons so I can recruit them in my village. Will you, sir, please join my-

INUYASHA: Hell no!

MIROKU: Wait, Asaki! Did you say you have a village for half-demons?

ASAKI: Yes, it's my proud creation! It's 100 percent safe, completely happy, and food and shelter is provided for all!

KAGOME: Sounds like he's marketing some beauty product.

INUYASHA: What's the catch?

ASAKI: There is no catch! You only have to be a contributing member to the community.

INUYASHA: That is a catch.

ASAKI: Anyway… would you like to join my village, half-demon?

INUYASHA: I already said no.

KAGOME: Come on, Inuyasha! It sounds interesting! Can we at least take a visit?

ASAKI: Certainly. As long as you aren't racist.

MIROKU: I'm only racist against Naraku.

ASAKI: Naraku is a half-demon, but never mind… Now follow me.

INUYASHA: If this is a village you're taking us to, how come we haven't found it sooner?

ASAKI: There's a barrier around it, protecting us from the crossfire of human VS demon enmity.

KAGOME: That's really clever. Oh, is that it ahead?

ASAKI: Yes, it is.

KAGOME: It's beautiful!

All exit through the right doors.

SCENE 2

Enter Shippo and Kaede through the centre doors.

SHIPPO: Look, Kaede! It's Kagome's bag!

KAEDE: Indeed. I wonder where Kagome, Miroku and Inuyasha actually are.

SHIPPO: Beats me. Hey, what's this?

KAEDE: That looks like…

SHIPPO: Yes?

KAEDE: It looks like the scented bottle a shape shifting demon uses when he wants to appear as a human or a half-demon.

SHIPPO: A scented bottle?

KAEDE: Yes, when you have it on you, it changes your scent. It's easy to fool the eyes, but difficult to fool the nose.

SHIPPO: Cool! I'm gonna use it to trick Inuyasha sometime.

KAEDE: I'm more worried about how the bottle got there.

SHIPPO: But it's unlikely the demon who had it met Kagome the very same day, right?

All exit through the doors of entry.

SCENE 3

Enter Asaki, Inuyasha, Miroku and Kagome through the left doors.

MIROKU: Wow! This is great! So many half-demons working together! Did you organise them on your own, Asaki?

ASAKI: Well, yes. I'm glad you like it.

INUYASHA: …

KAGOME: Inuyasha, what's with that grumpy look on your face?

INUYASHA: Nothing.

KAGOME: Inuyasha, are you jealous of these half-demons?

INUYASHA: Of course not.

MIROKU: He's jealous.

KAGOME: Yeah, I know.

INUYASHA: …

KAGOME: (aside) These half-demons are growing up in peace and security, two things Inuyasha never had. He's probably ruing the fact that he never knew this opportunity was open to half-demons. If only he'd met Asaki sooner. He seems boastful but he sounds like a nice enough person.

ASAKI: Oh, I had better go. The others are having problems with the construction again.

Enter Asaki through the centre doors.

INUYASHA: Finally… he's gone.

KAGOME: Why? What's wrong with Asaki?

INUYASHA: He dropped his scented bottle.

MIROKU: What? You mean-

INUYASHA: Yes. Asaki's not a half-demon at all. He's a full-fledged demon like Sesshomaru!

KAGOME: Oh!

MIROKU: We should just slip off. He's probably planning something.

INUYASHA: Damn! I should have noticed this sooner.

Enter Myako through the right doors.

MYAKO: You can't escape.

INUYASHA: What do you mean? Who are you?

MYAKO: I'm Myako. There's a barrier on the inside of this village. It means we can't escape.

INUYASHA: I'll just use my Tetsusaiga to break the barrier. Huh?

KAGOME: Why isn't the sword transforming?

MIROKU: I get it… There's a seal around this place, blocking the demonic powers of anyone half-demon.

MYAKO: Yes. At night, all half-demons, regardless of their time of the month, transforms into a human under this seal. Those half-demons working on the construction; they aren't half-demon – they're full-demons as well. They eat any half-demons placed into this trap. I managed to survive one night but I don't think I'll live through another.

KAGOME: That's terrible! We've got to escape!

INUYASHA: How can we? Not when Tetsusaiga's not working.

KAGOME: I've got it! If we defeat Asaki, the seal and the barrier will break!

MIROKU: Of course! But first… Myako, will you please-

MYAKO: Excuse me. You with the sword… What's your name?

INUYASHA: Me? Uh… Inuyasha, and that's Kagome, and that's Miroku.

MIROKU: Why, she's ignoring me! No!

KAGOME: Hee hee.

MYAKO: Inuyasha, you say? You're a half-dog demon?

INUYASHA: Uh… yeah?

MYAKO: Well, then… Can I please bear your child?

MIROKU: Wha-?!

KAGOME: A female Miroku!

INUYASHA: You've got to be kidding me.

MYAKO: Please! My now deceased parents wished for me to marry a dog-demon. Unfortunately, because of my human blood, no demon would accept me. But if you're half yourself, there are no problems, right?

INUYASHA: …

KAGOME: (aside) Don't tell me he's considering it!

INUYASHA: Look! Over there! There's another dog demon! Go chase after him!

MYAKO: Where? Where?

Enter Poyozo through the right doors.

MYAKO: Oh, there!

INUYASHA: I didn't think there'd actually be a dog demon, but I guess I was lucky.

POYOZO: It's almost night. That's when supper will take place. Heh heh heh heh heh.

Exit Poyozo through the right doors.

MIROKU: You know; if I was a half-demon, I'd get pretty apprehensive now.

INUYASHA: Grr! Come on, Kagome, Miroku, no more time wasting! Let's get Asaki now!

Exit Inuyasha, Kagome and Miroku through the right doors.

MYAKO: Wait for me! I'm coming too!

Exit Myako through the right doors.

SCENE 4

Enter Asaki through the centre doors.

ASAKI: I must not give up until the world is rid of half-breeds. Humans and demons aren't supposed to mate; it's just wrong. It's a problem, really. The amount of full-blooded demons is decreasing so much these days. Even Naraku, who is the tyrant of the land at this moment, is a half-demon. Demons should never marry those filthy humans or produce disgusting offspring! Inuyasha… he's that fellow who slays a hundred demons with one swing of his sword. I must not let him live for killing my fellow demons! And those friends of his are quite adept slayers too, so I've heard. I won't let them live, either.

Exit Asaki through the centre doors.

TO BE CONTINUED


	7. The halfdemon refuge II

**Author's Note: **After a long period of hiatus comes the second part of the fifth play. Enjoy! This has also become a parody against self-insert Mary-Sues as well. Strange my imagination is. Along with this update has been some revision of the earlier plays.

* * *

**Cast of characters:**

INUYASHA, a half-human, half-dog demon who travels with Kagome

KAGOME, a teenage girl with spiritual powers

MIROKU, a lecherous monk cursed with the Wind Tunnel

MYAKO, a nervous young half-human, half-dog demon

DEMONS from Asaki's village.

ASAKI, a mysterious full-demon who has created a trap for half-demons

POYOZO, a full-fledged dog demon who answers to Asaki

SHIPPO, the Inuyasha gang's little foxy friend

KAEDE, an elderly priestess knowledgeable in everything in general

SANGO, one of the last survivors of the Demon Slayer's village

**The half-demon refuge Part Two**

SCENE I

Enter Kagome, Inuyasha and Miroku through the left doors.

INUYASHA: Where's that damn Asaki hiding? I…ugh!

He transforms into a human.

KAGOME: Inuyasha!

INUYASHA: Damn it!

MIROKU: Kagome! Take care of Inuyasha and stay behind me. I'm going to use my Wind Tunnel.

Enter Myako in human form through the left doors.

MYAKO: Inuyasha! You look so damn hot as a human!

INUYASHA: Oh, God, no.

MIROKU: Why is Inuyasha attracting all the pretty girls? Geez!

Enter three or four demons through the right doors.

KAGOME: Miroku! Come on!

MIROKU: Of course! Wind Tunnel!

He sucks up the demons.

MYAKO: No! Those demons have poison inside them. That's so anyone who tries to slay one will get killed themselves.

MIROKU: Urgh!

KAGOME: Miroku!

INUYASHA: This is all bull! That means all we've got now is Kagome and me.

KAGOME: At least I've got spiritual powers! You've got nothing.

INUYASHA: Shut up, Kagome!

MIROKU: Urgh…

He falls over.

KAGOME: Miroku! I've got some antibiotics in my bag somewhere. Oh no! I left my bag back at the tree!

INUYASHA: You idiot!

KAGOME: Myako! How long until the poison takes effect?

MYAKO: I'm not sure. Probably about half an hour. But Asaki has the antidotes. I know; I've seen them in the centre house.

KAGOME: Where is the centre house?

MYAKO: Just over there.

INUYASHA: Good! Come on, Kagome!

MYAKO: Bye! Bye! Inu darling!

INUYASHA: …

KAGOME: Myako! Take care of Miroku! Okay?

MYAKO: All right!

All exit through the doors of entry.

SCENE 2

Enter Kagome and Inuyasha through the right doors.

INUYASHA: This way!

KAGOME: Ah!

Enter six demons through the centre doors.

DEMONS: We will eat you!

INUYASHA: Give me a break.

KAGOME: Inuyasha! Stay back! Sacred Arrow!

She shoots an arrow. First demon falls into the recess.

INUYASHA: Tetsusaiga!

DEMONS: Ha! You plan to challenge us with such a weak and battered sword?

INUYASHA: Well, why don't you have it?

He throws the Tetsusaiga at the demons. The barrier of the Tetsusaiga shocks all of them.

INUYASHA: Kagome, now!

KAGOME: All right! Hit the mark!

She shoots arrow after arrow.

INUYASHA: That's all of them.

He picks up the Tetsusaiga.

KAGOME: We're a pretty good team, aren't we?

INUYASHA: Yeah.

KAGOME: Hee hee, what do you think of Myako?

INUYASHA: Are you kidding me? She's a freak!

KAGOME: Ha ha ha. It's a good thing she isn't a self-insert then.

INUYASHA: What the hell are you talking about?

KAGOME: Nothing. Let's go!

Exit Inuyasha and Kagome through the centre doors.

SCENE 3

Miroku's head is on Myako's lap.

MYAKO: I don't actually approve of this, you know.

MIROKU: … I'm sick… What do you… expect…?

MYAKO: I'm sorry. Your name is Miroku, right?

MIROKU: …Yes…

MYAKO: Okay then. Sorry, Miroku.

MIROKU: …

MYAKO: Could you please stop touching my rear end, Miroku? I'd prefer to bear Inuyasha's child, not yours.

MIROKU: Alas…

Enter a demon through the left doors.

DEMON: Ah, I see you've turned into a human, wench. I'll eat you up! Yum! Yum!

MYAKO: Little did you know; I have secretly an uber-powerful weapon making me stronger than Naraku!

DEMON: What the hell?!

MIROKU: It's the power of the Mary-Sue!

MYAKO: That's right! Psycho kinesis!

The demon falls backwards.

MIROKU: How can you do that?

MYAKO: Psycho kinesis - Mind over matter! And you don't have to be a demon to master that, only psychic.

MIROKU: So that is how you survived this village for a night. I see. (aside) Myako is a fearsome lady indeed.

All exit through the doors of entry.

SCENE 4

Enter Asaki through the right doors.

ASAKI: Inuyasha and his friends should be dead by now, heh heh.

Enter Inuyasha and Kagome through the centre doors.

KAGOME: There he is; get him!

ASAKI: Ah, crap.

A fierce and brutal battle ensues…

SCENE 5

Enter Shippo and Kaede through the left doors.

KAEDE: This must be where the scented bottle came from!

SHIPPO: What makes you think that, Kaede?

KAEDE: There was a barrier around here, but it has faded. It looks like whoever made it has been severely weakened in power.

SHIPPO: Maybe we could find Kagome!

Exit Shippo through the right doors.

KAEDE: I hope so.

Enter Sango through the left doors.

SANGO: Hey, Kaede! I'm back from visiting the village? Where are the others?

KAEDE: Ye are just in time, Sango. I have a feeling they might just be in that village there.

SANGO: Okay, I'm onto it!

Exit Sango through the right doors.

KAEDE: I'm too old for this.

Exit Kaede through the right doors.

SCENE 6

INUYASHA: Asaki is dead.

KAGOME: At last! We managed to purify him.

Enter demons through the left door.

DEMONS: We won't let you get away!

KAGOME: Oh no! What do we do, Inuyasha? There's too many!

INUYASHA: Don't worry, my demon powers are returning.

KAGOME: Looks like the spell and barrier over this village has faded. That's good.

SANGO's voice: Hiraikotsu!

The boomerang hits all demons on stage. They vanish through the recess.

KAGOME: Sango!

Enter Sango through the left doors.

SANGO: Hey, guys! Kaede told me you'd be here!

INUYASHA: You weren't needed. I was about to kill them on my own.

SANGO: Where's Miroku?

KAGOME: Oh no! I forgot all about the antidote for Miroku!

INUYASHA: Here it is!

SANGO: Come on, let's go!

All exit through the centre doors.

SCENE 7

MIROKU: I'm dying, Myako.

MYAKO: That's nice.

Enter demons through the right doors.

MIROKU: Ergh, more demons. Myako, can you handle them?

MYAKO: There's too many!

Enter Inuyasha through the centre doors.

INUYASHA: Fair lady, I have come to save you!

MIROKU: What… the hell… is Inuyasha saying?!

MYAKO: Ha ha! I knew Inuyasha would succumb to the wiles of the Mary-Sue before too long! Please rescue me, Inuyasha, even though I can take care of myself with some efficiency.

Exit Inuyasha through the recess. Enter Shippo through the recess.

SHIPPO: Ha ha, it was just me.

MYAKO: Why, you little-!

Enter Kaede through the centre doors.

KAEDE: Look the demons!

DEMONS: Grr!

SHIPPO: Uh, what do we do?

MYAKO: Super-awesome-Mary-Sue-attack-that-completely-impresses-everyone-and-saves-the-day!

The demons fall dead.

MIROKU: The spell around the village has faded, I see.

MYAKO: Do you think Inuyasha will like me, when he realises how flawless I am?

SHIPPO: Uh, probably not.

MYAKO: I hate you.

Enter Inuyasha, Kagome and Sango through the left doors.

KAGOME: We've got the antidote, Miroku!

MIROKU: Ah, thank you, my beautiful Kagome!

Sango and Inuyasha's eyebrows both visibly twitch.

MIROKU: Oh, Sango, I did not see you there!

SANGO: Of course you wouldn't, you lecher. What are you doing having your head on that unknown girl's lap?

MYAKO: Sango, was it? Don't worry; I'm only interested in Inuyasha.

Enter Poyozo through the centre doors.

POYOZO: Wow, Myako, you're pretty strong! I'll go out with you!

MYAKO: Are you a dog-demon?

POYOZO: Yes, I am.

MYAKO: Let's go have some quality time together.

Exit Poyozo and Myako through the centre doors.

KAGOME: That was random.

INUYASHA: I thought she was in love with me!

SHIPPO: Oooh, Inuyasha, are you jealous?

INUYASHA: Not really, just kinda shocked that she could get over me so quickly. Girls generally don't.

KAGOME: Inuyasha…!

INUYASHA: Eh heh.

KAGOME: Sit!

Inuyasha falls over.

KAEDE: But there is a moral to this story, do ye not see?

SANGO: Huh, what do you mean?

KAEDE: The best person to pair up an OC with is another OC. And definitely not with Sesshomaru.

MIROKU: How come Sesshomaru has so many fan girls anyway…?

THE END

* * *

**Author's note: **If you have any ideas for the next play, please suggest it. I might get to regularly updating this fic again.


	8. Dialogue

**Author's note: **This play is a lot more serious than my other plays. There are only two characters in it, thus the title, and there is only one scene. I normally don't write BanKags because it is rather difficult to think of ways of getting the two together. That said, enjoy my first (and probably only) BanKag fic. Setting is just before episode 110. Thus, Bankotsu and Kagome have not yet met and Bankotsu does not have his Banryu.

**

* * *

**

**Cast of characters:**

KAGOME, a teenage girl who travels with Inuyasha

BANKOTSU, leader of the Band of Seven mercenaries

**Dialogue**

Enter Kagome through the right doors, looking very disgruntled.

KAGOME: That idiot Inuyasha! He just had to go and insult me, didn't he? Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Enter Bankotsu through the left door.

KAGOME: Huh? Oh, who are you? You don't look like you're from around here.

BANKOTSU: Neither do you. What is that green thing you're wearing, anyway?

KAGOME: It's a skirt.

BANKOTSU: …

KAGOME: Hey, wait a minute…! You… You've got a jewel shard in your neck! You're from the Band of Seven, aren't you?

BANKOTSU: That's right. I'm the leader, Bankotsu. I take it you must be Kagome.

KAGOME: I'll fight you.

BANKOTSU: That's not fair. I'm unarmed.

KAGOME: It's not as if you wouldn't knock me down if I was unarmed. Cowards always play dirty.

BANKOTSU: Scornful, are you? Women… I can see why Jakotsu hates them.

Kagome points an arrow at Bankotsu.

BANKOTSU: You don't look very old, and yet, from that look on your face, it really seems as if you want to hurt me. Well, go ahead. Make the first move.

KAGOME: You, you're not very old either. But you're a killer! How do you manage to live with yourself?

BANKOTSU: I enjoy killing.

KAGOME: You disgust me.

BANKOTSU: Then why don't you shoot me already?

KAGOME: …

BANKOTSU: Well?

KAGOME: … I can't. I've never shot at a human before.

BANKOTSU: You're a very naïve little girl.

He walks up to Kagome. He takes her arrow and snaps it with one hand.

BANKOTSU: That kind of attitude can get you killed.

KAGOME: You…!

BANKOTSU: It happened to me. I died because I trusted too much. You should learn from other people's mistakes.

KAGOME: You're… different.

BANKOTSU: Hm?

KAGOME: Shouldn't you have killed me or threatened me already? The other Band of Seven members are crueler than you, I think.

BANKOTSU: Ha. You don't know me too well.

KAGOME: Then why…?

BANKOTSU: I'm just not a coward.

KAGOME: I… suppose you're right.

Bankotsu smiles.

BANKOTSU: I'm glad you've changed your mind about me.

KAGOME: (aside) What do I do? This guy's still dangerous! I've got to get Inuyasha!

BANKOTSU: Hey, relax. The time to fight is not now. I haven't got my Banryu with me. I feel naked without it.

KAGOME: …

BANKOTSU: You're very pretty, you know.

KAGOME: Huh?

BANKOTSU: What're you giving that dumb look for? I thought women like to stay if you say stuff like that to them.

Kagome blushes.

KAGOME: That's true, I guess. (aside) This guy's taste ain't too bad. Maybe he's like Miroku? Didn't we all think he was a bad guy at first as well?

BANKOTSU: You really are naïve.

KAGOME: What?

BANKOTSU: If you can let a simple compliment completely throw you off, you really a simple-minded fool. I don't know how you're connected with Naraku but my guess is; keep up that attitude and you won't be living much longer.

KAGOME: Why are you saying this? You jerk!

BANKOTSU: You're a fighter, aren't you? You've got the bow and arrows. In this world, only the strong survive.

KAGOME: …

BANKOTSU: When next we meet it's fair game. You may have to shoot the first arrow at me if you want to protect the lives of you and your friends. I'll let you go now, but remember the next time, I won't be so merciful.

KAGOME: O-Okay. Goodbye then.

Bankotsu starts to walk off.

KAGOME: Bankotsu. In another time, maybe we could have been friends.

Bankotsu smiles.

Exit Bankotsu through the left door.

KAGOME: … I'd better be getting back to my friends.

Exit Kagome through the right door.

THE END

**

* * *

**

**Author's note: **Short, I know. I hope this little conversation might help you understand why Kagome shot at Bankotsu in… Episode 113, I think.

The next play is probably going to be about Sesshomaru. Requests are considered for after that.


End file.
